The Return of the Resolve

I am puffy, puffy, puffy. Nothing is fitting any more. My clothes are shrinking before my very eyes. Today, my khaki pants threatened to cut my very life force from my waist by forcing me to take shallow, mincing breaths every time I tried to walk, sit, or bend. But, that, sadly, is not the final indignaty.

The FI happened on Wednesday morning, when my friend Corinne came over. We were talking about gyms, and work out programs, and I said, "oh, you know, I bought this workout program off tv. Look, I'll show you." I reach up to the Provida box perched on high at the top of the entertainment center, bring it down to open it, and start shrieking at the top of my lungs. "Ants! Ants!"

The whole box was filled with thousands of swarming ants. Nasty, nest building ants. I guess they were attracted to the glue or something in the cardboard? They were munching up the paper, and building a nice, nasty nest along the inside seam of the box. Oh, it was horrible. And worse yet, Corinne was all, "how long has that box been up there?" (In my mind, dark thoughts: long enough, obviously, you skinny—)

I dumped all the ants out on the carport, and then felt sorry for the whole munched interior of the Provida box, and emptied the rest of the contents onto the kitchen table. Whereupon I was forced to look at it during my meals.

So that, coupled with my puffiness, has led me back to the land of the infomercial resolve! Where I must always speak in exclamation points! Finally! So tomorrow, I promise, I am going to write out my menu, and try this diet for the week. I'm only going to comitt for a week at a time, as I think my resolve lasts about 7 days.

Also...after much, much deliberation, I think I'm gonna quit the gym. I'm paying them $38 a month for guilt? Heck, I can do that for free.

No, seriously. The new plan is that if I can get out the door in this next month, and walk around the block a couple of times, consistently, then I will reward myself with new jogging shoes. If I can do it for two months, I will be a pulse meter. I am motivated by new, shiny, techological toys.

And pants that fit.