So, the first thing I ordered from infomercial came last Friday. I saw it, as I was clutching a bag of Sonic Brown Bag Special in my hand. [Two #2's, two limeades, one fries, one tater tots, no cheeses.] Both burgers were not for me, I was sharing the lunch with another.
The UPS man had helpfully hidden this huge box *under* our welcome mat. The bag was twice as thick, and wider than the welcome mat, but never mind. At least it was hidden.
Inside this box? The sixweekbodymakeover. I am writing that all together so the mik-ul ther-mund web scanners don't pick this up, and then put the damn advert on the top. At any rate, I brought the box in the house.
Did I really say that I was going to do everything the damn i-mercial product wanted me to do? Cuz this thing wants me to eat six times a day, and on top of that a LOT of meat. Man, I hate cooking! I'm also a very ocd organized person, so Saturday I was furiously trying to come up with a meal plan and shopping list. Panicking more and more over how I didn't know what to cook, and how I didn't know what to buy.
Sunday I had to admit defeat. It's just ludicrous to think that I could assimilate all this information, plan menus, and shop effectively and efficiently in two days. So, I relaxed, and finished off the Easter candy I bought one sale.
Oh, that was the OTHER thing. I had to get rid of all the Easter candy that I bought on sale. I craved Robin's eggs like no other. And I didn't want to throw it away. And I really wanted it. So I ate it all. On a deadline. So that I would be clear.
Today, at the grocery store I saw a cart of Easter candy on sale. I merely hissed at it as I passed by, "evil Easter candy!" and stalked on by.
So here's the new plan:
1. Tomorrow [Sat.] plan menu
2. Sun, go shopping
3. Monday, start the plan, and eat like a damn carnivore all day.
Oh, also? Another complicating factor: my capped tooth that has a root canal has mysteriously decided to grow back nerves. Here was my visit to the dentist today:
Dentist: "Where does it hurt?"
Me: "On this tooth here."
Dentist: "But that's the tooth with the root canal."
Me: "YES I KNOW."
Dentist: "Hmmm... Maybe the root canal didn't take."
Yeah, those are words I want to hear. Try eating meat with only one side of your mouth.
