A week of slothfullness

It started last week with a phone call from an old girlfriend. "Come up and visit!" She said. "We'll have a great one-day reunion with you, me and Mary."

We had a great time, except for that fact that we visited with Mary and her family, and her Mama can cook. Mary can cook, and it was her sister Raita's birthday, so they had a reason to celebrate and show off their prowess in the kitchen.

How could I be rude? I was sa guest. So I ate. Ate and ate. Come home the next day, ate some more. Got slammed with work, and out went the exercise plan, out went the menu and out went the belly. I didn't even have time to go to Yoga.

I just polished off a two packs of M&M's and a KitKat bar.

Oh, the shame, the shame. Tomorrow, back to yoga, and to the diet.

FAW

I took my second Ashtanga Easy class today. Two mats down from me sat a young, lithe, attractive woman. I noticed her because she seemed so cool and collected, and managed to make twin braids look uber-sexy. I'd never seen her before. But now I know that her name is Formidable Ashtanga Woman.

The instructor asked, "Is anybody taking this class for the first time?" A few of us raised our hands, including FAW. I said that this was my second class. FAW said, "I've been gone for a long time, and am just getting back to Ashtanga. I've been doing a lot of traveling with my child." The instructor and she exchanged, "oh, it's so hard to get back" comments. We all nodded in sympathy.

Then the class began. And I am not kidding when I say that FAW was poetry in motion. "Getting back" my eye. She didn't need this class, with the sweaty, grunting, huffing plebians surrounding her. She needed to be on stage, with one solo spotlight, where we could all marvel at her grace, strength and poses while we all murmured below in wonder and delight.

I'd hate to see what her idea of "back" in Yoga would be. I imagine it to be something like this:

- she swoops in, flying like a crane
- rolls over and folds herself economically into a little box
- pops out gracefully, looking happy and refreshed

Can't wait to see it. I'll be right behind her, huffing and puffing until I, too, can be called a FAW.

The Acquisition

Today I went to a client meeting. I got there a bit early, and my client said, "Let's go into the kitchen and get something to drink." I walk in and freeze in my tracks. This company develops software, and the kitchen shelves were lined with boxes of candy and snacks from Sam's. All open, available, and free.

"Have something," she said, waving carelessly at the shelves.

I spied an open box of Kit Kats. Then remembered the 30 minute jog I suffered through in the am.

"No, thanks," I demurred. "I'm not hungry."

We went to the meeting to take about mergers and company direction. And what was on my mind? The Kit Kat.

Specifically, what I would do with the Kit Kat. How I would open the package. Break each bar apart. Nibble all the chocolate edges off and then crunch into the bar, biting through each layer to make the bar last longer.

I was fantasizing about food. In a client meeting!

After the meeting was over, I got up to leave and said, "Thank you very much. I'll be in touch soon."

Then snuck back into the kitchen and got a Kit Kat.

I ate it on the couch when I got home, and enjoyed every minute of it!

Don't get too cocky

I just had an overwhelming urge for a Kit Kat. I would KILL for a Kit Kat right now!! Evil, stupid chocolate...

Guarantee a flat stomach

Go to Yoga first thing in the am, without eating anything, and your stomach will remain flat even after you eat a sensible breakfast! Amazing.

Topaz, the Yoga teacher, wants to kill, though. Her weapons may be kindness, sun salutations, twists and deep bends, but it's killing me just the same. I always just want to lie in a quivering child's pose until I catch up. Who knew slow movement could be so lethal?

Strange shuffle friends

Here was my 25 minute jog list:

"I Really Love You Girl," by Bobby Brown
"The Way You Look Tonight," Billie Holiday
"To Live and Die in LA," Wang Chung
"I'll" Go," Donnel Jones
"Somebody Have Mercy," Sam Cook
"Copacabana," Barry Manilow

I thought the Sam Cook song would make me laugh, as it's a walk song and the title was appropriate. When I got to the end of the song I thought, "I wonder what's next. It better be good or I'm just going to walk home." Then Copa started. How can one resist moving with that syncopated beat?

I've turned into that person

I went jogging again this afternoon, which wouldn't be that big of a deal except for it's something like 90 degrees and 8,000% humidity. I felt like I was treading in a pool of sweat. Although my feet were moving, I would call what I was doing less of a jog, but something more like a shuffle.

But I was out there!

It occurred to me while I was slogging away that I've become that person. You know, the hot, sweaty person you look at from your air-conditioned car and think, "Fool. What are you doing jogging at 4:00 in the afternoon in the south? Are you crazy?!"

Yay! The 8 Minute Run

Wow, I did it! Not even nearly winded when I was done. Could it be that this exercise thing really does make one more fit?

The Payoff

It's been two weeks of diet, jogging, and yoga, and I'm beginning to be able to fit back into some clothes. Thank goodness! I shimmied into the magic dress, and *almost* made the cut. Maybe in two more weeks.

After a crazy summer of fits and starts, I've earned my way to $154 on the iPod diet, and today I was able to buy the Shuffle. I loaded it up this evening and took it for a test run. Very impressive. I am now running in 5 minute stretches--quite a feat, given in the beginning I could barely do 1.5 minute intervals. Tuesday I will gear up to do 8 minutes. Wish me luck...

A new low

So today I bought fat pants.

My first ever.

I feel like giving up, and just eating and buying the new wardrobe. Harumph.

Crash and Burn

I broke my elbow at the skating rink. Some punk kid with a death wish careened into me at 70 mph and sent me to the floor. It was not pretty. So for the last three weeks, I have been sleeping, eating and trying to do palm up palm down with my right arm without breaking into a string of curses.

The elbow. Who knew what a valuable joint it is?

My advice: don't go rollerskating if you're over the age of...16. But if you do, wear the appropriate gear.

Things were going perfectly, too...jogging every other day. Yoga. Sticking to the eating plan. Now all I feel a slight pinch when I put on my tanks and I wear my shorts. Hateful.

welcome back

So I went ahead and bit the bullet and bought ecto. Maybe that will help me blog more faithfully. Maybe not.

Summer has hit with a vengeance, and many of my cute summer dresses are tight around the edges, so I'm back on six week body makeover diet. It's been fairly manageable the five days that I've been on it so far. I've also added a mod: I can eat whatever I want one day a week. I really only want to lose 10 lbs., so hopefully that will help.

I've been doing yoga and jogging faithfully every other day, with one day a week as a rest. I've been paying myself $10 for every day that I jog. I'm up to $70! Halfway to the 1 gig ipod. Next month I'm setting my sites on buying a Playstation...

Yoga Yoga

I've started taking Yoga classes. I spend most of my days hunched over the computer, for extended amounts of time, and am starting to suffer on my right hand: grasping too tightly on the mouse, hunching my shoulders, etc. It was starting to take a toll, and I started going to a physical therapist.

The therapist was good, if only for the advice she gave me. "As you get older, " she said, "you have to decide where you want to spend your money: on wellness or illness." I figured she had a point. I could pay her $25 bucks a session to fix what was broken, or spend $10 per yoga class to prevent my body from breaking. So I signed up for yoga.

Why yoga? Well, there are a few good reasons. One, it's pretty peaceful. Two, even though you raise your heartbeat and work hard, it's not too sweaty. And three, the best reason ever, is that you get to take a nap at the end. It rules!

After going for about a couple of weeks, I have noticed a strange thing. Almost all the women who take yoga are beautiful and thin. Is it the yoga gear? The yoga glow? Who knows. I was watching all the people who were streaming in before class today and said aloud to my neighbor, "Does yoga make people thin, or do thin people take yoga?" She thought that was pretty funny, but couldn't give me a good answer.

I've also started running. I found this cool plan online, and decided to give it a try. This, coupled with my new enthusiasm for music, makes the iPod shuffle very very tempting...

Music for my ears

I've been through an odd bit over the last month. Long story, but after 10 years of being immune to music and movies, I've started liking them again. I reactivated my Netflix account, and have started listening to music again. I've discovered that my city library has quite a nice inventory of CDs. It helps to borrow music, as it cut down on impulse buys on iTunes and Amazon.

There is however, one album I'm going to buy, and that's the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds. I've never been a big Beach Boy's fan, but after listening to this album over the weekend, I've decided it's a keeper. The textures, moods and layers of work that Brian Wilson explores in this album is solid, and I think that God Only Knows is absolutely stunning. I really liked how Richard Curtis used it in his film Love Actually.

Listening to Brian Wilson's work reminded me that when I was younger, I bought Wilson Phillip's first cd. As most people know, the name Wilson in the group's title comes from Brian himself, as two of his daughter are in the group. Listening to it now, 15 years (good Lord! has it been that long?!), I see that this album does not have much staying power with me.

Except for one song, and it's not because of the quality of the music, it's because of the lyrics, as well as the memory of who I was when I first heard it. The song is called "You're in Love", and it's about the realization that one's love is with someone else. The song mirrored what I was going through at the time, and I used to listen to it, nodding sagely and sadly, agreeing with the words. Here's the chorus:

You're in Love
That's the way it should be
"cause I want you to be happy
you're in Love
and I know that you're not in love with me
it's enough for me to know that you're in love
I can let you go
cause I know that you're in love...

Ten minutes ago, when I heard that, I just started cracking up because it's so.not.true. I know that the whole idea that ex-loves should be friends is a myth, perpetuated by fairy tales, Hollywood and romantic comedies that only women believe.

So here's my snarky commentary on this song, today:

You're in Love
That's the way it should be
I can't believe you found someone else to put up with your bullshit
"cause I want you to be happy
I hope this new relationship of yours rots in your soul and sinks you down to the depths of love hell
you're in Love
and I know that you're not in love with me
You're an idiot. I was the best thing that could have happened to you and you blew it.
it's enough for me to know that you're in love
Man, I can't even believe anybody would be stupid enough to fall for you
I can let you go
Don't ever see me again. Ever.
cause I know that you're in love...

Fifteen years later, and I now know that Harry was right. Men and women can't be friends. The truth is music to my ears.

Second Time Around

Nipped down to Houston for the weekend for my friend's baby shower. In attendance were my life-long girlfriends. We're so close, it's like visiting family.

I brought the magic dress, as it was unseasonably warm and thought it might be a good thing to wear. The magic dress, shockingly, has lost it's magic powers. My arms looked pop-eye-esque, and there was a somewhat suspicious pulling around the waist. I think I have to get back in the saddle and start fussing with diet and exercise again.

Thankfully, thankfully, this is my month of self-renewal (can you tell that I've read one too many women's magazines in my lifetime?) It's the montage month moment of my life. I will, I must. I am going to walk around the block at least once tomorrow!